Well I thought about the army,
Dad said, son you're fuckin high.
And I thought, yeah there's a first for everything,
so I took my old man's advice.
Three sad semesters,
it was only fifteen grand.
Spent in bed I thought about the army,
I dropped out and joined a band instead.

Grew a moustache and a mullet,
Got a job at chic-fil-a.
Citing artistic differences the band broke up in May,
and in June reformed without me, and they got a different name.
I nuked another grandma's apple pie
and hung my head in shame.

Been thinking a lot today.
Been thinking a lot today.

Ohhhh, I think I'll write a screenplay.
Ohhhh, I think I'll take it to LA.
Ohhhh, I think I'll get it done yesterday (aww shit).

In this time of introspection.
On the eve of my election,
I say to my reflection
God, please spare me more rejection.
Cause my peers they criticize me,
and my ex-wives all despise me.
Try to put it all behind me,
but my redneck past is nipping at my heels

I've been thinking a lot today.
I've been thinking a lot today.
I've been thinking a lot today.
I thought about the army...